
Transforming our inner voice – Part 1
Do you hear your inner voice? I think we all have an inner voice of some sort. The fastest way to finding that inner voice is to make a mistake. Miss your designated exit off the highway, stub your toe or forget an appointment scheduled for over a month. Can you hear your inner voice yet? In the therapy world it is referred to as self-talk, more specifically, negative self-talk. It is our general frame of mind toward ourselves.
Our negative self-talk comes from our personal messages that we believe about ourselves. These personal messages reside in each of us and are more than likely a negative message, which would make sense that negative self-talk comes from negative messages. Here are some sample personal messages that seem to be common among my clients, friends and family, “I am a failure.” “I am a fake.” “I am not enough.” “I am too much.” “I am ugly.” “I don’t have what it takes.” Pretty depressing stuff!
Now, in a brief sentence, these messages were generated as decisions we made about ourselves in response to past experiences we have had. We live out of these messages each and every day of our lives. Correction, we live in fear that these messages are true and do what we can to create a life that will send a different message to whomever may receive it. For instance, if I believe that I am a failure, I may attempt to do everything in my power to be the best, whichever “best” that holds the most value to me (and possibly others close to me). For the sake of the conversation lets say I want to be the best at bowling. I believe that if I am the best at bowling: if I get a perfect score, throw the ball with perfect form, participate in the World Tenpin Bowling Championships, then others will be unable to see that I am a failure at heart. So long as I am able to keep up this appearance then no one will find out that I am a failure.
But life happens, I sprain my wrist and disaster strikes.
At this very instance my plan to keep others from seeing that I am a failure, failed! Double fail! Now my message is both confirmed and seemingly exposed.
The closer we are to our negative personal messages the worse we feel about ourselves. We now perceive the negative message as truth because of the new “evidence” that has come to light. Since I am no longer able to bowl and demonstrate that I am NOT a failure I am only left to believe that, in fact, I am one. Enter the pity party, self-loathing, increased anxiety and depression symptoms. It is here that we are most discouraged. It is here that our messages feel the most true and it is here that we feel as though there is nothing we can do about it.
But that isn’t the whole truth. Actually, it’s not true at all.
Next week Ashlee Secord will continue the conversation about personal messages and how we can stop living out of those messages and begin moving toward our personal truth. Contact Ashlee for more information on therapy, self-confidence and self-esteem issues.
[…] They are interpreted through our negative messages, which I started talking about in my first blog HERE, and that is when things begin to go […]
[…] is our biggest critic, our negative personal messages exposed as described in my first blog here. They are so loud because they expose everything we think and feel about ourselves. So we avoid […]